A Fact, hard to accept for me

This is a post which I have taken from my personal blog, and was written on April 17, 2010. almost after an year not, I was finding it too relevant again in my life right now, so thought of bringing it up here.

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There is a fact of life which so far in my life I have encountered quite a few times, and every time I lost something in the process. But even till date, I have not been able to accept this particular actuality, because somewhere at the back of my mind, I hope and pray that ‘it’ is not obvious to happen. And that is why I want to question ‘it’. Whoever reads this, would wonder what the hell I am talking about.

I have many examples to explain, but I am refraining from putting them here. But because of some incidents, a strange feeling has crept inside me, suddenly making me feel that things change. My feeling of loss stems out of such drastic changes concerning my very close friends. It’s a mixed feeling. This happens with a friend of the same sex, as well as the opposite sex. Whatever the case may be, I feel that post marriage, people view friendships in a different light. The losses always begin subtly and impact gradually. But is it necessary?

I am not saying that it is the married/engagement friend who is at fault. Relationships certainly do change after marriage/engagement. While he/she is trying to adjust to the new environment, his/her friends find it difficult to adjust to the new person he/she becomes. Insecurity, protectiveness and missing the old times become very prominent. Everyone needs company, and when the company seems to be drifting apart, it is obvious that a feeling of rejection sets in. And this is especially difficult for people like me whose world revolves only around a few friends, and finds comfort in the company of that friend.

I just get scared because my world is shrinking fast. Most of my close friends would get engaged/married before me, and I would be left all alone. I get anxious whether I should make close friends, leaving an open area to get shattered time and again. I commit myself totally to my friendships, and I give in everything for it. I don’t want my close friendships to get wilted and put myself in the position of saying, “Our friendship was great till it lasted.”