In Shadows...

I have a realization that I may have to stop writing for a while. I think I could be upsetting people. Thought what I write seems to be philosophical, they are all inspired from my experiences in life. But I've been downright nasty with some of my posts, raising fingers directly or indirectly. I'm probably showing up the more thoughtful, horrible side of my nature and giving people all the reason they need to stop talking to me.

It's been an odd week so far, damn hectic and stressed out. It feels pathetic when you cannot talk to your close ones for an elongated period. Many of the fears about the frenzied work life that would accompany with my new job profile have actually come true. A few posts earlier I wrote about experiential learning, and exposure. Now, given how strenuous it can be, I fail to find time for myself, and end up frustrated.

Unintentionally, one day, through my wrath and hateful words, I will push away everybody those matter to me. Then I'll be alone and will be forced to surrender. This thing, this confinement to a shell, rules my life, and haunts me at times. It subtly tells me that the worst is inevitable and that the only way to avoid all the pain is to just give up. But I don't want to let it win. I want to make my success plausible.

The part of me that exists without shadow looks only for a bright future. Sadly the clouds are gathering and everything remains in shade. But soon I will return with my positive self, tearing apart the clouds of dejection, cheerful and progressive as always.

The Binding Energy of a Relationship – TRUST...

By its name, a relationship defines what it is, the ability of two or more people to relate to each other.

In order to relate to another entity, you have to trust them and be able to communicate with them. This doesn’t apply only to romantic relationships, which strangely is often the terms in which people think of a relationship, but also to family members and friends.

Trust, is the phenomenal word that gives a true shape to our life. It is the most valuable gift that we can offer to anyone. Have you trusted anyone blindly, or believed in blind faith? If no, then you have missed the essence of life. "Trust" is that simple element that forms the gist of all true relationships, and gives the sheer joy of Life.

And trust is a mutual affair. Everyone loves to trust, likewise everyone likes to be trusted too. Trust gives joy both to the one who trusts as well as to the entrusted. But why do we feel happy or contented when we are trusted? Is it a sense of achievement or accomplishment? No! It’s not! We feel happy when we are trusted blindly because we feel that our care and affection has been recognized. We are assured of the fact that our care is accounted for and is equally respected by the one who enjoys the care.

Relationships sans trust are just like sugar-free cakes. Trust is that fragile thread that strongly binds people together. There exist relationships in life that have no speck of trust, still they exist vaguely, but eventually end up in no sweet memory and no feel of attachment. This is what happens to relationships that lack trust. Such relationships can better be referred to as acquaintances. Most of the times when we are in a new surrounding, we will be longing for trust and friendship. Initially we will be allured towards people who superficially seem to share characteristics and wishes much similar to us. We gradually get along well. Then with the passage of time, we start feeling that inspite of spending a long time, there is no emotional attachment and neither is there any strong bond with them. This is because this new relationship was based on similarities and not on trust. So, relationships that lack the principle ingredient of trust are just transient.

Nevertheless, the critical point is that Trust, once been broken, there's a chance it may never be fully repaired. You might be able to achieve a degree of trust again, but the cracks from the break will always be there, and it will take far less to not only break, but completely shatter trust a second time.

So, if you want a happy life and a happy relationship, trust in trusting your loved ones. The same can be very well extended to business relationships, wherein when meeting your clients you need to convey a sense of professionalism and trust. You certainly don't want to come across as a "untrustworthy scumbag with a big sales pitch".

With someone entrusting you at all crossroads of life, you would really feel the difference.

Football Fever on the rise..Would the injuries spoil the party?

"Oh! Why is tomorrow? Why not today?" appears every time in our mind, especially while waiting for pleasure. It is always a heart beating feelings when it is a matter of counting down.


With the 2010 FIFA World Cup about to take-off, the excitement level is really high. ESPN Star Sports is all set for a higher TRP for the thrilling encounters. People are changing their travelling schedules, re-considering their plans so that nothing comes between them and soccer.


Like all football lovers, I have been waiting for these matches with bated breath, keeping my fingers crossed for my favourites.

Off-late, many star players have been either knocked out of the tournament or been considered doubtful owing to injuries. The question arises that would this be a big blow to the grand showdown? The sudden attack of injury demon to some of the favourite teams has hurt the enthusiasm with which the fans have been anticipating one of the world's biggest sporting events. Likes of Michael Ballack, Rio Ferdinand and Nani would be missing the entire tournament, while the skills of Andrea Pirlo, Didier Drogba and Arjen Robben would be unavailable at least for the initial games.

But nevertheless, the football fanatics are all geared up to witness the great battle which has been widely talked of - Christiano Ronaldo vs Lionel Messi. The predictions for who would emerge as the Champions has already become a war. The football fraternity (including me) is planning the big nights already. Are you one of them?

Amidst the chaos in Life...

A mail I received recently, so very well explains what should drive our life.
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A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some
expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups.

Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. Some times, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."

Don't let the cups drive you... Enjoy the coffee instead... :)

Agony of patients..Doctors need to know this...

It’s a prevalent and largely true fact that doctors have a pretty tough life, with their duty calling at any time of the day. Very often we see articles written about Doctors’ plight, about how patients’ senseless questions haunt them, about how they have to compromise with their personal lives, etc.

But I am writing about the other side of Doctors, which says about the frustration and agony that one experiences on visiting doctors. This is on the basis of what I noticed and experienced over the last one month, which was full of visits to doctors to get my left toe treated.

There are a lot of complaints against doctors. But unlike customers to any other service industry, patients cannot be impatient, and they cannot bargain with the doctor. Whatever the doctor says, prescribes, is God’s word.

1) Doctors value their own time over the value of patients’ time. No patient likes to arrive on time for an appointment, only to be left waiting for half an hour or longer. This way the patients’ frustrations only grow stronger.

2) Doctors often rush through the appointments, not even listening properly and leaving too little time for a constructive conversation. They cut the patients short when they are speaking, ignore what patients tell, and rely on charts instead of preferred one-to-one communication.

3) Doctors often preemptively mix-up and generalize the patients’ cases with some other previous case histories, and lump them with the generalist prescription only to regret later and correct the mistake.

4) Unnecessary prescriptions, be it for medicines/drugs or laboratory tests, is what most doctors give. For them, it is a means of showing how learned they are. But another reason is that most doctors are entrapped in a vicious circle of gifts and inducements. (Thankfully, the law has now started prohibiting such transactions between doctors and other related medical/pharmacy agencies.) But eventually it hits mostly at the pockets of the patients, instead of the disease or ailment.

This all at times makes me question, that what is it that Doctors don’t know? And the immediate answer which comes to me is ‘Almost Everything’. It is high time they realise this.

Painful one month...

I recently got my left toe operated again for some infection and nail deformation. Possibly because of tight shoes while playing football, the nail of my left toe got deformed and it started penetrating the skin creating a pus, and developing a huge swelling. This started in October 2009, and I first got it operated in Mumbai in November. All was good for a few months, but the problem re-appeared, and this time it was more severe, with the skin flesh getting infected and unbearable pain. So had to again visit the doctors.

This post describes the pains of last one month (not only the physical pain of the wound, but the mental stress on visiting the doctors).
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May 1, 2010 (Visiting a doctor in Indore): The appointment was for 5.30 PM, and I reached there at 5.20 PM. I and Dad sat in the waiting area, and the time started. Half an hour passed, and we called the doctor, who said he is on his way, and would be reaching in 5 minutes. The clock was still running. Probably his watch was running a little slow. He eventually arrived at 6.30 PM; checked the swelling of my toe in 2 minutes; concluded that it would have to be operated, but he can’t do it that week. WOW!! I spent an hour to hear this, when I was leaving for Pune the next day. He gave me some painkillers and ointments to keep me going till I could return and get it operated.

On reaching Pune, i got busy with work, and so thought that better to see a doctor there and get the problem resolved there itself.

May 10, 2010 (Visiting a doctor in Pune): My cousin took an appointment with the doctor for 6 PM, for which I left office early, and reached the clinic on time. Like the previous time, the time flew. The doctor came in late, and his assistant gave the shock that the doctor would not see patients on the basis of appointment, but on the basis of who came when, and what is the level of urgency. (Now who decides that, I have no clue.) My turn came at 8 PM. I told the doctor the entire history of the wound, the earlier operation and what the doctor in Indore had suggested. But he said that there is no need for a surgery. Just take the medicines (a pretty heavy dose, and damn expensive medicines), do the dressings and I would be alright in a week.

I followed what the doctor prescribed. The pain was lesser (because of the effect of the painkillers), but the wound was getting bad.

May 17, 2010 (Follow up with the same doctor in Pune): This time I knew I should get as early as possible and be in the FIFO line. Thankfully, this time I had to wait only for one and half hour as compared to two hours last time. When I told the doctor, that the pain is a little less because of the medicines, but otherwise it isn’t much better, he had a look at my toe that why am I saying that, because according to him it was good. I asked him to turn on some more lights and look better, pointing to the infected area on my toe. His next reaction was, “Oh! I did not notice that pus getting created. It has to be operated.” What the *@#$. Did not notice? Is he a doctor or just a chemist writing medicines? I kept my cool, and asked him when he could operate. He told me Friday, and gave me a long list of tests to be conducted (as if it was some major operation I was undergoing, with tests like Australia antigen, HIV, Urea, etc.)

I was already thinking whether to get these tests done or not, that the doctor gave the final punch saying that the operation would have to be early morning, and he can’t wait for my parents to arrive. And it was over for me. I went back to Indore that weekend, to get the toe operated (from the same doctor whom I had visited earlier).

May 21, 2010 (Operation Day): In the morning, straight from the bus stand, I went to the hospital, and into the Operation Theater. The docs gave me a full anesthesia (thankful to them for this), and I did not even know how time went by and the operation was done. After a few hours, I was allowed to go home, but advised not to walk or put any load on the foot because the stitches might break. I had to come back the next day to get the dressing changed.

May 22, 2010 (Visiting the doctor for change of dressing): As usual, the time given was for 6.30 PM, and the doctor did not come till 7 PM. Till now, I had no clue what all was done to my toe. But when the dressing was opening, I literally felt nauseating. Half the nail taken out from the root, the skin cut on the sides and 3-4 stitches to wrap it back. Gosh. To add to it, the gush of the pain from the toe to the entire body when the pressure was released on taking out the dressing, sent me into a black-out and I fainted. The doctor then asked me to lie down for some time, and changed the dressing.

Now that the operation is done, I am still feeling the pain. I can't keep my foot hanging or put much load on it for at least one more week, and then I have to get the stitches cut.

The pain was before, the pain is still there. Soon it will subside. But the entire month has been such, that I can never forget this painful one month which also made me realize what pains others go through. Experience is the best teacher, for knowledge as well as empathy.

The changed face of friendship...

I am not a fragile character, and do not get the paranoid feeling that people are talking about me and laughing behind my back. But still I feel like writing this post because I value true friendship a lot.
Friendship can be a wonderful relationship that serves to support, encourage, and entertain. But It’s unfortunate, but some friends tend to take more than give and might need to be cut out of your life.
This is going to be an honest, at-your-face kind of post. I will say what I want to and I don’t care what others would think because barring a few people, I don’t care anything about anyone. I don’t want to indulge in humiliation and become what I don’t want to, so will avoid taking any names directly.

It must be pretty clear that what I am getting towards is describing what two-faced friends are. The friend who says one thing and does something else or the friend who is nice to your face and then talks badly about you behind your back is a two-faced friend.
In front of you they act all sweet normal and nice but behind your back they are the exact opposite making fun of you, spilling your secrets and talking bad about you. They usually do that if they are jealous, to get attention, be more popular, and they are millions of other reasons but it depends on the person. And at times their actions tend to be more severe than the typical casual gossip common among friends; their actions are purposeful, hurtful, and continue regardless of your objections.

Making fun or jokingly pulling leg directly is something different and can be easily understood. But if it becomes a third-person talk, the gravity and seriousness of the issue increases.

Another variety of such species include those selfish people who show that they share everything and would be together to travel light years with you, but who won’t tell what they are doing so as to remain ahead of you. Befriending others for personal gain has become a common phenomenon.

When you have your true friends around you, you might not be able to identify any of such backstabbers amidst them. But it is better that as soon as the realization comes, such friends need to be dumped, because they aren't your real friends just someone who will use you to do or get something for their benefit.

To sum it up, I am quoting a poem after modifying it suitably…

When you didn’t speak to my face,
And went behind my back,
I stood shocked in anguish,
When I came to know what you quack.

I never thought you'd be,
So mean, so cruel, so rude.
But since this you have showed me,
That this is the true you, so shrewd.

You lied to my face,
And talked behind my back.
You thought I would not trace,
That it has been you, the one to attack.

You will now have to see,
That this is the end.
Stay rest assured I would not wail,
Over such long lost friend.

It is time to say goodbye,
And I don't want it to end,
But I cannot take another lie,
From a lying two-faced friend.

Three of the best stories...

We learn a lot through our experiences in life. The following three stories I came across, do teach some lesson. It is worth pondering over them.
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The Turtles

A turtle family decided to go on a picnic. The turtles, being naturally slow about things, took seven years to prepare for their outing. Finally the turtle family left home looking for a suitable place. During the second year of their journey they found a place ideal for them at last!

For about six months they cleaned the area, unpacked the picnic basket, and completed the arrangements. Then they discovered they had forgotten the salt. A picnic without salt would be a disaster, they all agreed. After a lengthy discussion, the youngest turtle was chosen to retrieve the salt from home. Although he was the fastest of the slow moving turtles, the little turtle whined, cried, and wobbled in his shell. He agreed to go on one condition: that no one would eat until he returned. The family consented and the little turtle left.

Three years passed and the little turtle had not returned. Five years...six years... then on the seventh year of his absence, the oldest turtle could no longer contain his hunger. He announced that he was going to eat and begun to unwrap a sandwich. At that point the little turtle suddenly popped out from behind a tree shouting, 'See! I knew you wouldn't wait. Now I am not going to go get the salt.'

[Some of us waste our time waiting for people to live up to our expectations. We are so concerned about what others are doing that we do not do anything ourselves.]
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The Frogs

A farmer came into town and asked the owner of a restaurant if he could use a million frog legs. The restaurant owner was shocked and asked the man where he could get so many frog legs! The farmer replied, 'There is a pond near my house that is full of frogs - millions of them. They all croak all night long and they are about to make me crazy!' So the restaurant owner and the farmer made an agreement that the farmer would deliver frogs to the restaurant, five hundred at a time for the next several weeks.

The first week, the farmer returned to the restaurant looking rather sheepish, with two scrawny little frogs. The restaurant owner said, 'Well... where are all the frogs?' The farmer said, 'I was mistaken. There were only these two frogs in the pond. But they sure were making a lot of noise!'

[Next time you hear somebody criticizing or making fun of you, remember, it's probably just a couple of noisy frogs. Also remember that problems always seem bigger in the dark. Have you ever laid in your bed at night worrying about things which seem almost overwhelming like a million frogs croaking? Chances are pretty good that when the morning comes, and you take a closer look, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about.]
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The Pretty Lady

Once upon a time a big monk and a little monk were traveling together. They came to the bank of a river and found the bridge was damaged. They had to wade across the river. There was a pretty lady who was stuck at the damaged bridge and couldn't cross the river. The big monk offered to carry her across the river on his back. The lady accepted. The little monk was shocked by the move of the big monk. 'How can big brother carry a lady when we are supposed to avoid all intimacy with females?' thought the little monk. But he kept quiet... The big monk carried the lady across the river and the small monk followed unhappily. When they crossed the river, the big monk let the lady down and they parted ways with her. All along the way for several miles, the little monk was very unhappy with the act of the big monk. He was making up all kinds of accusations about big monk in his head. This got him madder and madder. But he still kept quiet. And the big monk had no inclination to explain his situation. Finally, at a rest point many hours later, the little monk could not stand it any further, he burst out angrily at the big monk. 'How can you claim yourself a devout monk, when you seize the first opportunity to touch a female, especially when she is very pretty? All your teachings to me make you a big hypocrite The big monk looked surprised and said, 'I had put down the pretty lady at the river bank many hours ago, how come you are still carrying her along?'

[This very old Chinese Zen story reflects the thinking of many people today. We encounter many unpleasant things in our life, they irritate us and they make us angry. Sometimes, they cause us a lot of hurt, sometimes they cause us to be bitter or jealous .. But like the little monk, we are not willing to let them go away.We keep on carrying the baggage of the 'pretty lady' with us. We let them keep on coming back to hurt us, make us angry, make us bitter and cause us a lot of agony. Why? Simply because we are not willing to put down or let go of the baggage of the 'pretty lady'. We should let go of the pretty lady immediately after crossing the river. This will immediately remove all our agonies. There is no need to be further hurt by the unpleasant event after it is over.]

Lost myself..Clueless to write...

It’s been a while that my blog featured any updates. Not feeling like writing for quite some time.

Though I do fritter away a lot of time watching all the movies, but I am definitely not wasting my times writing their reviews. This is one of the very good excuses I have of not writing.

The truth is that I had no intention of abandoning my blog for so long. But I am clueless as in what to write. There is no motivation left that made me put my thoughts well into words. For a while I felt that the longer I stay away, easier it would be for me to have something to write. But all in vain. So just for the sake of trying to jot down something, I thought describing my situation is the best thing to do. Probably it is going to aid in venting out the stress a little.

I am feeling lost since many weeks. And it has been so deeper that now I am getting the remorse of it, and how helpless I am on it. I don’t even know how to tell it to near and dear ones. I don’t know how they would react on it...even if I tell it anyhow.

But certainly it’s like a unlit night for my consciousness!

How did it happen? Where did I go?

I shrouded myself. I thought I had all I ever wanted, so my desire for anything else went astray. In my smugness and complacency, I lost everything...and then I woke up...much too late to undo what had been already done. I forgot how to be myself.

It is just at times that I remember to remember me. I believe, am passing through the darkest part of it. Hoping the dawn’s advent is not so long. It’s a killing and painful experience.