In Shadows...

I have a realization that I may have to stop writing for a while. I think I could be upsetting people. Thought what I write seems to be philosophical, they are all inspired from my experiences in life. But I've been downright nasty with some of my posts, raising fingers directly or indirectly. I'm probably showing up the more thoughtful, horrible side of my nature and giving people all the reason they need to stop talking to me.

It's been an odd week so far, damn hectic and stressed out. It feels pathetic when you cannot talk to your close ones for an elongated period. Many of the fears about the frenzied work life that would accompany with my new job profile have actually come true. A few posts earlier I wrote about experiential learning, and exposure. Now, given how strenuous it can be, I fail to find time for myself, and end up frustrated.

Unintentionally, one day, through my wrath and hateful words, I will push away everybody those matter to me. Then I'll be alone and will be forced to surrender. This thing, this confinement to a shell, rules my life, and haunts me at times. It subtly tells me that the worst is inevitable and that the only way to avoid all the pain is to just give up. But I don't want to let it win. I want to make my success plausible.

The part of me that exists without shadow looks only for a bright future. Sadly the clouds are gathering and everything remains in shade. But soon I will return with my positive self, tearing apart the clouds of dejection, cheerful and progressive as always.