A day before my 25th birthday, I am penning this post down. Probably it was time for a quarter-life realization.
Picking up cues from the feelings I had while writing a few earlier posts, a silly question coming to my mind... What happens when u lose faith?? It can be faith in a relationship, faith in friendship, faith in someone, or faith in self...
Howsoever stupid it might seem on reading, but sometimes it does happen. I will describe what happened to me when I lost faith in a relationship...
NOTHING. Yes, Nothing happened. I didn’t even make out that I have lost something. I never felt the pain. Slight exasperation for few weeks, but that was all. I never noticed anything else. Even now I don’t feel any pain or sadness. But off late (after over one and half long years) I realize what I have lost. I lost most of my emotions and feelings along with it. I don’t feel anything now days. Happiness, Sorrow, Anger, Fear… They’re all superficial... Something inside stopped working.
Today at this instant I feel that it may change in due course of time. I may come back to my real self. But when frustration creeps in, I feel that that I won’t mind even if I don’t come back to my real self.
As it is, most people do not notice this change. For them, I am still the same. Thankfully, they can't look through my eyes, or read my mind. And so to me, this seems like a far better state, like attaining “Nirvana” without much effort. It’s funny. Life really is.
If anyone would have guessed, that a hard core emotional and sentimental guy like me would change like this, I would have definitely laughed at him/her at that time. But now, let me see how long this will go… Maybe I can emulate a saint and share some pearls of wisdom when this period is over. Or maybe I am en-route the path of Enlightenment... Who knows ;-)
Jokes apart... I really want to get out of this phase, and be the person I was... This is the testing time, and I will strive to get out successful and victorious... :) Pray for me...
Picking up cues from the feelings I had while writing a few earlier posts, a silly question coming to my mind... What happens when u lose faith?? It can be faith in a relationship, faith in friendship, faith in someone, or faith in self...
Howsoever stupid it might seem on reading, but sometimes it does happen. I will describe what happened to me when I lost faith in a relationship...
NOTHING. Yes, Nothing happened. I didn’t even make out that I have lost something. I never felt the pain. Slight exasperation for few weeks, but that was all. I never noticed anything else. Even now I don’t feel any pain or sadness. But off late (after over one and half long years) I realize what I have lost. I lost most of my emotions and feelings along with it. I don’t feel anything now days. Happiness, Sorrow, Anger, Fear… They’re all superficial... Something inside stopped working.
Today at this instant I feel that it may change in due course of time. I may come back to my real self. But when frustration creeps in, I feel that that I won’t mind even if I don’t come back to my real self.
As it is, most people do not notice this change. For them, I am still the same. Thankfully, they can't look through my eyes, or read my mind. And so to me, this seems like a far better state, like attaining “Nirvana” without much effort. It’s funny. Life really is.
If anyone would have guessed, that a hard core emotional and sentimental guy like me would change like this, I would have definitely laughed at him/her at that time. But now, let me see how long this will go… Maybe I can emulate a saint and share some pearls of wisdom when this period is over. Or maybe I am en-route the path of Enlightenment... Who knows ;-)
Jokes apart... I really want to get out of this phase, and be the person I was... This is the testing time, and I will strive to get out successful and victorious... :) Pray for me...
liked tis post...seemed like my inner voice...kudos
ReplyDeleteI don't know the story and I won't say one should not change. Its in the nature of humans to react in a certain way to a certain situation. May be the extend differ but its the same. I faced a similar situation a year and a half back and felt for almost a year the same way but when I was thinking about it from a very grass root level the only thing I realized was I don't love myself anymore. I don't know but the more I thought about relation and trust, the more I felt I have lost myself. It was then I decided to be back to the same old stage. I know its difficult and in the beginning it appears to be almost impossible but its worth giving a thought becaz at the end its you...
ReplyDeleteI am not giving any advice....its just a personal opinion I hav incorporated in my life and still in the process of improvement...